She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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