No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
only you would photoshop your dick
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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