She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize