these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
