Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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