I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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