i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
