Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
