i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
