Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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