I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
