her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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