After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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