Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
