I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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