Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
