So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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