Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
