so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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