I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
