47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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