He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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