I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
