I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my being single is dangerous.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
