What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
