We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
