and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
