we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
