so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
