I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
