They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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