I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
