i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
