yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
