Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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