I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
