giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
