He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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