i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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