My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
