I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Do vagina's smell?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
