the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There are leaves in my underwear?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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