I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
