I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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