So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
