how can u be prego again
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
