I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
