my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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