If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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