that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
