I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would ride that face into the sunset
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