Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
