Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
