He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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