Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
