Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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