ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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