She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He passed out mid-signature
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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