I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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