Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
