You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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