The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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