If that was your dad, he is hot
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
