Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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