I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's blow job season.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
